Jenxi Seow

The world through my eyes

Thoughts

Fear

by

We encounter fear on a daily basis. Most common modern fears are social fears such as being afraid of being mocked, embarrassing yourself, or challenging others. Other types of fear we experience are fears things like cockroaches, blood, heights and such.

It’s not that bad

The worst case scenario is usually not as bad as we imagined. Fear is what kept our ancestors alive thousands of years ago when they gathered food while facing the dangers of predators.

We inherit the fear that has less relevance in the modern day. Fear is a way of protecting ourselves from harm. It is integral to self-preservation. We need to face our fears, understand what’s causing them and why we feel this way. Then master our fears.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

Litany Against Fear by Frank Herbert in Dune

It is only through facing our fears that we become human, detached from our animal instincts. It is not easy because acting out of fear or reacting to your fears is our natural instinct. It becomes even harder the older we get because we are so used to it.

Quick mindfulness

However, it is not as difficult as it appears. You can snap yourself out of an instinctive reaction through mindfulness. One quick way is to put yourself in a one-minute exercise. Close your eyes. Breathe in deeply through your nose. Then breathe out through your mouth.

As you continue to do so for the next minute, focus on how your lung expands as you breathe in, and how your muscles move. Feel the movement of the air through your nose, and out of your mouth.

Avoid thinking about anything else during this minute.

Count your silver linings

Even then, the worst case scenario might be a blessing in disguise. Our fears are based on what we know of in our current circumstances. However, change is the only constant. What we were scared of might be unfounded when it actually comes to pass. Our limited knowledge does not prepare us to fully grasp the situation.

No matter how dark the skies may be, every cloud still has its silver lining. The worst can happen but there will always be positives to take away from it. Hang on to the positive and use it to drive yourself to grow and become better.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You might have truly and completely failed. But you learn from each failure. You’ll be more experienced when you make the next attempt.

Remembering that you are going to die, is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking that you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Steve Jobs

Fear of failure only stops you from trying, and to never take that step you would not know what would have been if you succeed.

Don’t be paralysed

The most common effect that fear has is to paralyse us from taking action. Inaction will only make it worse. Recognise our fear and take steps to make sure we don’t get hurt too badly.

Then take that leap of faith.

Shortness of time

by

We all know that time is limited, yet we are guilty of wasting it.

Value of time

When we see someone throwing away money, we think that person is crazy. Yet people waste something even more valuable daily: time. You can earn back money that is wasted. Once you waste time, there’s not turning the clock back.

My favourite things in life don’t cost any money. It’s really clear that the most precious resource we all have is time.

Steve Jobs

Yet why do people waste time? It’s because they haven’t truly grasped the value of how limited time is in their lives. Life is short as it is. How much shorter does it get if you waste an hour or two each day?

Tracking time

Time is relative. When you are enjoying yourself, time passes quickly. When you’re not, it moves at an agonisingly slow pace. It is inevitable that we lose track of time and waste several hours or a whole day before we realise it.

One way to help yourself keep track of time is to segment your day and block out the time each task should take. Set an alarm for the expected end time. If the alarm sounds before you finish the task, re-evaluate and set a new end time. This helps you to track how much time you are spending on the tasks, and how much more you need to invest on it.

How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flown. How did it get so late so soon?

Dr Seuss

Personally, I use the Pomodoro Technique to keep track of my time. It is a very simple time management method where you divide your time into 25 minute segments. Set a timer for 25 minutes. This could be done with your phone, watch or even a dedicated Pomodoro app. When the timer rings, take a five-minute break. At every fourth break, take a 30-minute break.

So for three 25-minute intervals, you get to rest for 5 minutes, and at the fourth you get a 30-minute break. Use the break to rest your eyes by not looking at a screen. Stand up and walk around.

This helps me to keep track of how much time I spend on each task. Once you force yourself to be aware of the time you use, you start learning to avoid wasting the time you have.

Buying time

If time is more valuable than money, doesn’t it make sense then to buy time? How do you buy time? Simple. Pay money so that you get to use your time on what you want to.

Many people invest their time to earn money. It is just how society works. Go to a job from nine to five, five or six days a week and get paid for the time you spend on the job.

Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.

M Scott Peck

Would it make sense if someone told you to earn money by spending $100 to get $50 in return? This is just an example and it doesn’t even go anywhere near in quantifying the true value of time in our lives.

So how do we buy time? Learn to place a value on your time. If one hour of your time is worth $100, then paying someone $80 to complete some tedious work so you can spend that hour on something more worthwhile and meaning would make more sense.

Time is life, Therefore, waste your time and waste of your life, or master your time and master your life.

Alan Lakein

Many successful people know how to value their time and spend their time wisely. Everyone has 24 hours in a day. How we spend them and get the most out of them is up to us.

If an hour of your time is worth $100 and you get, say $120 in return when you spend the time on something, then it is worth your while.

Regret

Many of us wish for more time. It is a very familiar thought. All of you would have had this thought before: if only I had an hour more each day. We want more time each day, yet we don’t value time. We would have more time if we used it wisely and didn’t waste it.

Lost time is never found again.

Benjamin Franklin

You would have that one hour you want if you didn’t spend an hour on social media daily. Instead of reading articles that feed on your emotions to make you share them to help them gain more advertising revenue.

Spend time on things that matter. Do what you won’t regret doing now.

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.

John Lennon

Why blog?

by

When I blog, I write down my stream of thoughts. The more I write, the more I think.

Think as I blog

Blogging helps me actively ponder over the topic I’m writing about. I make opinions and elaborate on them. And I contradict myself when my opinions change.

Strong opinions, loosely held.

It is important to be able to argue your stance when you have an opinion. Have strong opinions. When you are able to express in detail what your opinions are, you actually help yourself to solidify your views and also reflect on it. It lets you think about why your opinion is correct, but it also helps to expose weaknesses in your arguments.

Have strong opinion but hold them loosely. Don’t argue an opinion that you know is wrong or don’t believe in anymore. It is completely okay to switch sides. It is a sign of you thinking out your views and being reasonable enough to admit you are mistaken or accept the opposing stance.

Think as I review

When you look back on your writing a few months later, a year later, or years later, you will learn from how you have grown and changed as a person from when you wrote the article to when you read it again.

I guess blogging is an extension of my journalling habit. I have kept a handwritten journal since secondary school, not all the while but on and off, and more diligently in recent years.

Reading back on my old entries feels like I’m looking at a stranger’s journal. My thoughts and opinions often differ from my perspectives and emotions when I wrote the entries. It is a fascinating look at how I have changed and grown.

If you haven’t tried writing a journal, I highly recommend it. You don’t even need to accumulate years or months of writing to gain insight. Write and read your entries from a few weeks back and you’ll already notice change.

Blogging as a journal

I put my thoughts on my blog because I want to be authentic. Don’t worry about what others think. Their opinions are out of your control, but if your writing spurs them to think and voice their feedback, then you have already accomplished something.

My daily reads include blogs of the sharp minds I admire in the industry and beyond. I don’t agree with them all the time, but I can learn something from what they share. More often than not, their thoughts and opinions spur me to ponder, and those thoughts end up in my journal. Instead of keeping these to myself, I throw them out in the public by blogging about them.

Owning your content

Another important reason to blog is to regain ownership of our content. Instead of generating content that we post on social media to help Facebook and Twitter to gain data and advertising revenue, post on your blog.

Your content is yours when you post it on a self-hosted blog. It is not hard to get a blog running. If you need help, get in touch and I can guide you on setting one up. Or even better, engage RubyCoded to build one for you.

A self-hosted website stands the test of time. My blog has outlived Friendster, LiveJournal, Path and other platforms have seen unfortunate demise, taking precious user-generated content with them. Sure, my blog has gone through several iterations and hosting services since 2003, but I own my content and I have the sole discretion over whether they should remain published in cyberspace.

First steps

Starting a blog can be daunting because your content is public and readable by anyone with an internet connection. But if you often repost stuff or share your thoughts on Facebook, then how different is that?

You could start by sharing your Facebook and Twitter posts on your blog. Write the longer thoughts in your journal. Let them marinate and then post your journal entries on the blog when you are comfortable. One step at a time.

Taking social risks

by

Many of us are social averse by nature. This is partly due to our culture and the way we are brought up, especially in the Asian society.

When we take social risks by chatting with random strangers or making small talks with people we encounter in our daily lives, we open doors. I speak with experience when I say that taking social risks open doors.

Opening up

I practiced as a retail pharmacist for six years and it was a platform for me to engage strangers. It was my duty to greet customers when they enter the store and approach them to offer assistance.

Being shy by nature, I initially kept these contact minimal. I do my duty and help the customers get what they want or need. I would often hold my tongue because it just didn’t feel right to me to step out of my comfort zone. I didn’t want to be rude or be made to feel stupid by saying the wrong thing. I didn’t want to be socially awkward. The introvert in me knew that I was uncomfortable with being chatty, especially with strangers.

However, there were instances where I found myself slipping into a more unguarded mood and opened up my interaction. These helped me to engage with my customers on a more personal level and established a rapport that lasted years during my professional practice. Several of my regular customers became friends.

This effect is more profound in another example I would like to bring up. I used to frequent online text-based roleplaying games. I was very relaxed and more open behind my online persona and I made quite a few friends. And those friendships have lasted for over a decade and they count among my close circle.

What’s the worst that could happen?

Why do people avoid social risks? They don’t want to make a fool of themselves. They worry about what others think of them. They are afraid of being judged. They are insecure.

How to overcome your aversion for social risks? Start by taking small steps. Talk to strangers. What harm is there in that? They don’t know you. Chances are you won’t meet them again. What’s the worst that could happen? Maybe they would be amused by you. I doubt anyone would outright laugh at you unless you were making a joke, if so then you succeeded!

Living alone in a foreign country constantly makes me push myself to engage strangers. I had to build my social circle here from scratch. I constantly reach out to new people through interest groups, go out to events to meet people, or just hang out at cafes and chat with the regulars there.

I’m an introvert but my experience in retail work helped me become more comfortable with interacting with strangers. That said, being in a foreign land with nothing to lose was liberating. I was constantly taking social risks, and I was reciprocated with genuine interactions and authentic relationships.

Take a social risk today

If you avoid social risks intentionally, or perhaps you realise you do it subconsciously, why not try to take a risk today? After all, what’s the worst that could happen?

10 Habits to Constantly Improve Yourself

by

Become a better person by applying these 10 habits to your life.

The key to making this work is to focus on each habit for a month. Spend one month repeating each routine daily until it becomes a habit. Then move on to picking up the next habit.

Remind yourself to do each habit every day, when you wake up, before each meal, and before you go to bed.

1. Cultivate good habits

Identify bad habits and replace them with good habits.

“Routine, in an intelligent man, is a sign of ambition.”

W.H. Auden

You have the power to change your life by changing the way you think, changing your attitude, changing the actions you take, and most importantly, forming habits that are beneficial to you.

Spend the first month making it a habit to cultivate good habits.

2. Be positive

Be patient. Always think and react positively.

All the bad will become good. The good can also turn bad. If you are enjoying the good, remain humble because the good won’t last. But know that the good will come again.

“Choose the positive. You have choice, you are master of your attitude, choose the positive, the constructive. Optimism is a faith that leads to success.”

Bruce Lee

Face the good and bad with positivity and love.

3. Peservere

If you persist, you will succeed.

Never stop trying. Never stop doing. Never stop fighting. Keep charging forward. Accept that failure is part of the process. Learning to fail better is progress.

“Defeat is not declared when you fall down, it is declared when you can’t get up.”

Manoj Arora

Where others will give up, keep doing. You will succeed where others fail.

4. Have faith in your personality

We have different ways of thinking, different ways of saying the same thing, different styles of approaching the problem.

Don’t worry that everyone is doing the same thing as you. Let your personality shine. You don’t need to make a big fuss to get the attention. Know that people see you for who you are. Be authentic.

What you do will appeal to different people. Your life experience and knowledge is different from others. These will shape your personality and style. Your personality will resonate with some people, but not all. Don’t try to please everyone.

Be authentic.

Be who you are and the people who resonate with what you do will buy what you do.

5. Live each day as if it were your last

Cherish the moment. Live in the now.

Forget yesterday. Don’t worry about tomorrow.

What matters is what you do right here, right now. Give your best shot in whatever you are doing at this very moment. You won’t have the chance to repeat it again in the same circumstances.

“Whatever you do, give it your best shot.”

Mrs Chiang, my primary school teacher

Do your best in whatever you do so you won’t have regrets. Do what you really want to do so you won’t have regrets.

6. Master your emotions

Stay level-headed. Don’t rush. Don’t be arrogant.

Don’t let your emotions control your actions. Master your emotions and take action rationally.

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

Marcus Aurelius

Accept that the emotions that you feel. Allow yourself to immerse in that feeling. Then move on without clinging onto the emotion, be it positive or negative.

Detach your actions from your emotions.

7. Laugh at the world

Everything will pass, be it good or bad.

Enjoy the good. Accept the bad. Stay happy no matter what happens. The good will go away, so enjoy it while you can. Face the bad, it will pass with time.

The most important thing is to stay happy through it all. Know that good and bad is a cycle. Don’t let yourself be affected by what you can’t control.

“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.”

Bruce Lee

Just as there can’t be light without darkness, we need the bad to learn to truly appreciate the good. Laugh at the bad. Laugh at the good.

8. Make yourself more valuable

Increase your value every day. Measure your worth against yourself. Become better than you were in the previous day.

Push yourself to reach your goals. Aim for the star, so even if you fail, you hit the moon. Keep getting better. Even if you succeed, you can still be better.

“I think that’s the single best piece of advice: constantly think about how you could be doing things better and questioning yourself.”

Elon Musk

Don’t compete with others. Compete with yourself. Strive to become better than you were yesterday.

9. Take action now

All is worthless without action. Banish procrastination. Do what must be done. Act now. Fail now. It is better than not taking action at all.

“A man who dares to waste an hour of time has not discovered the value of his life.”

Charles Darwin

Action overcomes fear and doubt. It moves you forward. Failure teaches you to grow better and stronger. Acting and failing is still progress because you know what doesn’t work and you learn from it. Just do it.

Don’t spend too much time thinking. Act now.

10. Seek guidance

When you improve, you will realise you know less that you thought you did. It is inevitable that you will need to seek advice from someone more knowledgeable.

“The more you know, the more you know you don’t know.”

Aristotle

When you know you are not good enough, find someone who has the knowledge and is willing to share. Never stop improving. Find someone better and seek guidance from them.

Likewise, dispense advice to those who seek knowledge from you.

The most powerful motivations

by

We often procrastinate because of a lack of motivation. If we are motivated, we will be more disciplined. We won’t let small distractions keep us away from the important tasks.

Like everyone, I battle with procrastination every day. I have discovered the most powerful ways to keep myself motivated. Love and death.

Your days are limited

Remind yourself daily that your time is limited. Meditate on it. I have been studying and practising Stoicism for a while. Stoics mediate on death. The constantly reminder that our days are numbered is liberating. We let go of the unimportant and focus on the things that truly matter.

Knowing that your time is limited is one of the greatest motivation. Instead of procrastinating, you cherish every moment you have and make the most of it. You might keep thinking you can always do something tomorrow, what if tomorrow never comes?

If you had a month to live, how would your priorities change? Constantly remind yourself of your impermanence keeps you driven to accomplish your dreams and goals.

We all die. It’s not a morbid thought. It is something we all need to learn to accept. Once you have accepted that, you will find yourself liberated from the unnecessary. Do you need all that material possessions? Things that you will leave behind once you die? What do you want to do or experience so that you will leave this world with no regrets?

Meaningful use of time

Knowing that your days are limited gives you a clear perspective of what you want to do with your time. Instead of indulging on games or other forms of entertainment, I spend more time on my passions and work towards realising my dreams. That doesn’t mean I give up on those indulgence completely. I just manage my time better so I can reach my goals with minimal distractions.

This motivation does not only affect what you do. It also affects with your being.

Rather than be negative and unhappy over unimportant things, you accept that emotions are fleeting. Relationships are far more important than your feelings. Let the negative emotions pass through you. Acknowledge it. Accept it. And let it pass.

Take a step back in that argument and look at the bigger picture. Sure, you stated your opinion and someone disagreed. You don’t need to get overly upset and hurt a relationship with family or friend. What if you won’t get to apologise or take back your words tomorrow?

Your loved ones

The other powerful motivation is love. Love makes the world go round. When you care for someone deeply, your motivation is immense.

Most people work for their family. They work hard and pursue a career so they can provide the best for their parents, siblings, spouse and children. Constantly remind yourself that you are doing this because you love them. You are not doing it for them. You are doing it for yourself, because you love them.

When you feel like procrastinating, remind yourself of what you want to provide for your loved ones. It will help you push aside that distraction.

Some people have strong bonds with their friends or colleagues. You have a long friendship what makes you want to become better for them. You want to make them proud. Your colleagues are key members in your team chasing a common goal and dream. Motivate each other to push the team towards the goal.

You might have others that you care deeply about. The beneficiary of your volunteer work. Your students. Your fans. Your audience.

Take time to meditate on love. Remind yourself of the people you want to work hard for. They deserve your motivation. Your heart is a powerful motivation to push through the inertia of procrastination.

Your motivations

What are your most powerful motivations? Do you have other motivations that can make you make the impossible possible?